How I've Dealt with the Guilt of Self-Publishing

I feel guilty indulging a passion of mine- self-publishing.  I know it happens to many self-publishers and writers- I have read books that say so. They give great pep talks on why you deserve this little slice of happiness and therefore you should stop feeling guilty about doing something for yourself.  Screw your family and get writing (Okay, none of them say that last part, but sometimes that’s the impression I get).  Anyhow, this guilt must be a common experience or these great gurus of writing wouldn’t bother.

This is all well and good, but when you get into the realm of self-publishing(beyond simply writing your book), you feel the need to promote your work 24/7.  What happens when you spend all your time promoting your book?  Also, what happens when your passion isn’t paying the bills for your family (yet)?  The strains of time and money we put on our families are a major consideration.

I have tried to have multiple sources of income beyond self-publishing, but so far they have been multiple sources of expenses.  My wife’s job has virtually been the sole support for my writing lately.  So what’s a poor little self-publisher to do?

I had to ask myself, what do I want?  Do I want to write?  Yes.  Do I want to make money writing?  Yes.  Would I like to one day make writing my sole source of income?  Yes.  Do I want that more than a good relationship with my wife?  No.

I guess this is the ultimate question-  What is more important?  Do I pursue a dream and forsake my relationships?  If I reach my goals and destroy my relationships, will I be happy?  If my dreams go unfulfilled but my relationships are fulfilling, will I be happy? 

When it comes down to it, a fulfilling life is one where you are continually growing in your relationships.  I would hate to come to the end of my life and say that I neglected those closest to me to fulfill a dream.  I don’t want to sell a million books and die alone in my secluded cabin surrounded by bottles of my own pee.

You may be wondering if I gave up on my dream.  The reality is you have to love writing for the sake of writing and not as a means to get rich.  If I have to give up some more hours in the day just to get a regular old paycheck, fine.  I can still write on the side and the promotion of my work will suffer a little. 

So, no, I haven’t given up on my dream, but I have given up on the idea that my other nontraditional sources of income will provide some “in-the-mean-time” money.  As a result, I’ve been looking for a job and went on a job interview this morning (more on that tomorrow).

The take home lesson, kids, is that you can write and promote and still love, but make sure love comes first.  I continue to strive to keep those priorities straight.